Should I Let My Child Quit Music Lessons? (probably not)

Deciding to whether or not let your child quit music lessons can be a difficult choice. You must balance the benefits of being involved in a creative activity, and perseverance against your child’s apparent lack of desire to continue. What makes the decision even more confusing is the adults who say they were glad they quit music lessons, and others who regret it.

How can you as parent know when the line has been crossed and quitting music lessons will be a good move? It helps to remember the purpose of music lessons for children: to foster a love of music and to develop a self-motivating interest to produce an individual who is capable of lifelong musical expression.

Below are some things to consider in deciding whether to let your child quit, or to put the music lessons down either temporarily, or permanently.

How Long Have They Been in Lessons?

Oftentimes children will fuss and whine about practice and lessons, even though they begged you for them. Don’t immediately cave in. If it has been only a few weeks, explain to them that they need to stick it out a while longer before they can quit. A perfect opportunity to teach them about perseverance and grit.

After about 6-8 weeks, the novelty of lessons usually wears off. (The novelty tends to wear off sooner for younger children.) This is typical and expected of most children. The instrument becomes less of a “shiny new toy” and the reality sets in of having to practice.

Guide them through this phase, or even try prepare them in advance. Explain to them about the time commitment learning something entails, and the value of not quitting when something becomes difficult. Setup an agreement to continue for x more weeks, then check in with them and see if they still want to quit. It may just be that they are having tough time a with a particular assignment and feel defeated. They may change their mind after they can play it.

Personality Clash

Sometimes the best option is to find another teacher instead of quitting lessons altogether. This is especially true if your child bemoans their teacher in particular, and not the lesson. Have a talk with your child’s instructor. Ask them questions to gauge their teaching style, and personality. Don’t just do this once, periodically check in and ask for progress reports. Corroborate the instructor’s story with your child’s.

Empty Complaints

You may find that your child may be complaining for the sake of complaining, as kids often do – especially teenagers. I remember having “complaints” about many of my teachers in middle school mainly because other students had complaints, and because movies and tv shows made it seems like the “cool” thing to do. If you end up switching teachers and your child’s attitude towards lessons and practice remains the same, then maybe one-on-one music lessons are not the best medium for your child to learn music.

Habit of Quitting

If your child seems to have a history of quitting an activity or project when it gets difficult, then you may have to draw the line and not let them continue that habit. Encourage them to try it out until they reach a certain milestone. Also, consider letting them take a break from lessons for a week for them to collect themselves and start again fresh the following week.

A Tough Day

If their fussing is only occasional, then it is likely an indication of particularly stressful days and they are perhaps low on willpower. [research suggests willpower is finite, read about it here ]. Think about it this way: Do you always want to go to work? Do you always feel like going to the gym at the end of the day or first thing in the morning? You’re less likely to do difficult things on particularly stressful days, as are children. They may have had extra work at school, skipped lunch, or a someone made them irritable on that particular day. OCCASIONAL fussing alone is usually not reason enough to let your child quit music lessons.

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Conclusion

The average child will typically not fully understand that learning music is going to be difficult and requires regular practice. The classic signs that tell you it’s time to quit are consistent fussing, not practicing, and a salty attitude during lessons. It’s pretty hard to miss those signs. If this is not happening with your child, then quitting might not be the right thing.

Instead...

Have them stick it out a little while longer, support them through the times when they’re learning a particularly difficult song or low on will power, take a week off from lessons to let them regroup, or find a new teacher, Of course, you can always put music away for a while and try again later if your child wants.

What I want young musicians to avoid is quitting lessons out of frustration and never picking up an instrument again.

Have you been thinking about letting your child quit music lessons? Are they showing different signs than ones mentioned above? Let me know in the comments.

If you're still unsure whether or not to let your child quit music, email me or DM me on Instgaram @practice_percussion. If you found this article helpful please click the heart on the bottom right and if you know someone who might benefit from this information, please share it with them